Once again I find myself posting for the first time in quite a while. And once again a lot has happened since my last post. So much has happened since I committed myself to serving the Lord as a missionary. I suppose it would be better to recap what has happened since that day. Much of it you already know, but I have left a lot out. Sorry, but I am going to be a little long winded this time.
I told you before how I moved my family to S Korea to teach English at a Seventh Day Adventist elementary school for a year, and how that experience sparked a tremendous fire in me that has yet to be extinguished. Honestly, I hope it never goes out. It was only a few years before that I had finally realized, at almost the age of 40 that I belonged in the Lord’s service. After graduating from Southwestern Adventist University I applied at every Adventist academy that advertised an opening for a position I felt I could fulfil, ranging from boy’s dean, to Computer teacher, to math teacher, to IT and network administration. I had several interviews, that in my mind all seemed to go well, but none panned out. It wasn’t until several times of getting my hopes up just to be disappointed again that I finally realized that my will is not necessarily the Lord’s will, and is often quite far from it. I had been praying daily for God to not only show me where I belonged, but also to make it so plainly obvious that even someone as stupid as me could figure it out. As it turned out, my will was thousands of miles from His will. So I finally bit at the opportunity to travel to Korea, and finally I found where I belonged.
That chapter only lasted a year. It wasn’t long after returning home that I was offered my next adventure. I was to teach Computers and PE at our local church school, JAMS (Joshua Adventist Multigrade School). I taught 20 hours a week in trade for my 2 children’s tuition at the school. After my son completed the 8th grade it was no longer a balanced trade, as only one child was in the school. I could not afford an Adventist academy for him, and so determined I would home-school him rather than place him in the public school system. This is what I have been doing for the past 3 years, but I have constantly felt a burning, a feeling that I wasn’t quite in the place where the Lord wanted me. I again found myself praying daily for this profoundly obvious sign as to where I belonged. I knew I was doing the right thing by home-schooling my son and keeping him from the public school system, but there was something more and I just couldn’t pinpoint it.
I’ve also told you about how when my son and I explored what we imagined might have been the path across the Pacific that the Kon-Tiki might have taken. During this exploration via Google Earth I ran across the Kingdom of Tonga, which I could not recall ever hearing of before. I almost instantly became consumed with this tiny country, learning everything I could about the country and people, culture and history. This obsession lasted about 2 weeks, and I literally could not sleep many of the nights. I found myself tossing and turning while trying to sleep, and so I’d finally get up so as not to wake my wife. I’d find myself on the internet again, learning how Tonga is the last monarchy of the Pacific, but that the kingdom is primarily Christian. I learned that due to its isolation, disasters, and even culture that this country suffers from a severe state of poverty. It finally dawned me that this just might be that blatantly obvious sign I was asking for. My next prayer was, to summarize, was to re-commit myself to the Lord’s service, and to agree that if Tonga is where He wanted me that I was ready to go. Finally I could sleep again. It was now profoundly clear that this is what I was being directed to do. I publicly announced that I had begun preparations for a mission trip. I felt a rekindled sense of joy, knowing that I soon would be in the Lord’s service again.
This is where the challenges began. Shortly after making this announcement my wife’s father passed away. It was determined that because I did not hold traditional employment, that I would spend the next few weeks in Kansas to help my widowed mother-in-law through this troubled time. Once affairs were handled in Kansas, it was back to preparations. I began fund raising but ran into many roadblocks. Many of these obstacles seemed to be stemmed from doubts that I would actually follow through with my intentions, or perhaps doubt that I was actually of “missionary material”. When my future mission was announced at church I received a little bit of money, but it only totaled about 2% of what I calculated my total expenses to be for the trip. I was way off pace, and feared I would not have the money to afford even the airfare, let alone funds to sustain life in Tonga. This fear was silenced though, as we were able to commit our income tax return (what we had determined we would be receiving) to the mission. I could now afford to at least get to Tonga.
However, it seemed the devil still had a few more obstacles for me to endure. I had more trouble with kidney stones and underwent lithotripsy, and was quite concerned about more stones in Tonga, where access to top quality medical services is quite limited. I was not discouraged though, and pressed on with mission plans.
About a week before Christmas my grandmother (mother of my step-father) passed away. While we all knew that she was old and that her health was failing, we liked to pretend that this sweet old lady would still be there tomorrow. It was a solemn time, but I refused to let this deter me. I knew that this was yet another challenge that the Lord was allowing Satan to test me with. I knew grandma had given her heart to the Lord, and that she was no longer hurting. Although her passing was sad, I knew she could now rest. Again I reaffirmed the commitment I had made to serve the Lord, and moved forward with mission trip planning.
The devil was not through with me yet though, and it was soon to get much more difficult. The day after Christmas, just one week after my grandmother passed, I was called by my step-father who was obviously in tears, telling me that I needed to get to their house as soon as possible to be with my mother because he had terrible news. My brother Andrew had been killed in an automobile accident in the Philippines, where he was teaching theology courses for free at an under-funded Adventist college. My heart was heavy and I didn’t know what to do. I knew I needed to get to mom’s house, but also knew that I needed to be with his family. The next day I flew to LA and met up with my father (Darrel, my biological father) and we boarded a plane headed to Manila. His oldest daughter Cherish arrived a few days later and joined us. We spent 3 weeks in the Philippines getting to know Andrew’s students, co-teachers, and offering what support we could to his surviving widow and three younger children. Before we knew it, we were returning to Manila for the long flight home. Once again I renewed my promise to serve the Lord, knowing that He is much more powerful than the one in charge of all of these discouragements. I got back to planning, and now waiting on visa paperwork that had already been submitted.
If you haven’t guessed by now, this story is not over yet. A week into February my father (Darrel again) fell and broke his hip. He lives in Oregon so I could not visit him in the hospital, and he didn’t want us to spend money to fly to Oregon that could be used on my mission trip. He had surgery the following day and began PT, or Pain & Torture as he learned to know it as. It was hard not being able to be there for him, but I could tell by his attitude on the phone, that he was not going to let this stop him. I knew he was going to pull through this, and also knew that I still had an assignment to fulfill. I had to keep looking to Tonga.
Two days later the devil once again reminded me that he was not through. My daughter Alexandra became sick. She was complaining of a stomach ache, and had a fever. She was not able to hold down her food. We figured this was an ordinary flu bug, and treated her as such. Her fever broke the next day and so we thought she would be back in school soon. However her fever and vomiting returned and it became clear her appendix had other plans. After a doctor’s visit and referral to the nearby ER, we were told to take her to Cook’s Children’s Hospital in Fort Worth because she needed more extensive treatment than they could offer at an outpatient ER. Her ruptured appendix was removed the following morning. It was terrible enduring my father-in-law, grandmother, and brother passing, but this actually hit me harder. We learned that the appendix likely had ruptured a few days earlier when she first became sick, and that her white blood cells were quite high trying to fight the infection caused by this. I was afraid we were now going to lose our little Princess, my little Snuggle-Bug. I just knew if I were to lose her I could not survive. I finally broke down and cried to the Lord. Until now I had been 100% convinced that all the hardships were simply trials to test my dedication to serving Him. If I had to endure yet another loss, I did not think I could possibly effectively serve abroad. I asked the Lord to please give me assurance that I am making the right choices, and that this trip to Tonga was in deed part of His master plan. I felt that if I received any more bad news I would have to cancel everything and just lie down and die myself. Alex had to spend the next week in the hospital fighting infection, but was soon her cheerful self. You can’t imagine the weight lifted from me. I was totally convinced that if we had lost Alex that it would have been my fault, and that I had been ignoring all these signs telling me in fact NOT to go to Tonga. Through His mercy though, her life was spared. She recovered quickly, and has all but forgotten about the surgery and hospital stay.
Passing what I hope is to be all of the challenges I’ll have to endure, I finally was informed that it was safe to buy our airfare and travel to Tonga. Although school began in February, I was still needed and much awaited. We purchased tickets and are scheduled to leave the DFW airport on April 26. We have started gathering everything we will be taking on the trip, and are excited to get on with this adventurous assignment we have been given by our gracious Savior.
My brother had a favorite motto that through all of this I learned to apply to my life, and I vow to forever live by this thought.
I must decrease so HE can increase.
Here is my song for this post. It most definitely applies to my life today. I hope and pray that I can instill in my children's hearts the value of such a relationship with our Savior and King.
"Colton Dixon - More Of You"
I made my castle tallI built up every wall
This is my kingdom and it needs to fall
I want You and no one else
Empty me of myself
Until the only thing that's left is
More of You
Less of me
Make me who I'm meant to be
You're all I want all I need
You're everything
Take it all I surrender
Be my king
God I choose
More of You
Less of me
I need More of You
More of You
This life I hold so close
Oh, God I let it go
I refuse to gain the world and lose my soul
So take it all I abandon everything I am You can have it
The only thing I need is
More of You
Less of me
Make me who I'm meant to be
You're all I want all I need
You're everything
Take it all I surrender
Be my king
God I choose
More of You
Less of me
I need More of You
More of You
I need More of You
More of You
All to You I surrender
All to You my blessed Savior
I surrender all
All to You I surrender
All to You my blessed Savior
I surrender all
More of You
Less of me
Make me who I'm meant to be
You're all I want all I need
You're everything
Take it all I surrender
Be my king
God I choose
More of You
Less of me
I need More of You
More of You
I need More of You
All to You I surrender
All to You my blessed Savior
More of You
More of You
More of You
