I'm Not Strong Enough!

The time is rapidly approaching when my son and I are supposed to begin our voyage to the other side of the globe, yet there is still so much to do. Our passports are in order, but not the visa as this requires a state level background check. Tony and I will go to Austin next week to get this. When we spent our time in Korea, it only took 1 night to get this done. However, I am told that it will take up to 2-3 nights to get it back now. We will be looking for a friend for us to camp with so that we don't spend what little bit of money we have raised so far. After we have this background check I believe I will have all the documentation to submit for my working visa. (Yes, I am volunteering. But as a volunteer I will come into the country with a working visa because I will be working....for a sum of $0. After the visa is handled, the main thing I have to do is find the airfare. This will cost from $3,000 round trip to $3,500 one-way. Yes, there is a great range in the cost. It all depends on how soon I can purchase the tickets.

In addition to the astronomical financial responsibilities of this mission, at times I feel like not many I talk to take me seriously. Family don't want me to go, church members seem to either doubt I will go or to have little interest in the fact that I am going, friends think it's cool but seem to take little interest. I think too often we get caught up in our own worlds, our own needs, our own desires, and forget how fortunate we actually are. We forget our obligation as Christians to spread the Word to all the world. I'm told "There are plenty of charities you can contribute to here at home", or "I'm an American. If I'm going to help anyone it's going to be a fellow American." I too have a patriotic side, but I also have a compassion for those who are not as fortunate as I; to have been born in a society where going hungry was not part of life, where we are born free from poverty (yes, even the poorest of American communities are wealthier than many abroad), where we are born free to speak our minds and free to worship and sing praises to our King and Savior as we feel we should. This is where I feel I belong. These are the people I feel I should be reaching out to.

This is where I must officially declare that I give up. Dealing with financial concerns, documentation, time crunches, doubt, character attacks, and lack of adequate support from my community, I often find myself feeling that I'm just not strong enough. I'm quickly learning that although I would like to think I could do this on my own, that I simply can't. I need help; not just from my community but from God. Only through Him can mountains be moved. This blog's song touches home really strongly. I must give up and hand total control over to God. I have to step back and watch Him in action. Then and only then will these giants be conquered.

I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13 NIV

"Matthew West - Strong Enough"

You must
You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through

Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us

Well, maybe
Maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up

Cause when I'm finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up
And reaching out

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

Cause I'm broken
Down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God
and you are strong
When I am weak

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

Oh, yeah

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Strong enough

Do Something

Hey guys, it’s me again. You know, they crazy guy who wants to drop everything and move to a remote island in the South Pacific and volunteer. You know, like for nothing in return. Well that’s not entirely true. It really is quite a selfish move on my part. Although I won’t gain money, I will gain pride. Pride in serving others. Pride in serving the Lord. I’m extremely excited about this opportunity, and meeting with Pastor Fanueli Mataele, the Youth Director of Tonga Mission, things are starting to move forward.

As some of you may know, I’m active with our local Pathfinder Club, the Joshua Wildcats. I traveled with them to Oshkosh, Wisconsin last week to attend the 2014 Courage to Stand International Pathfinder Camporee, along with about 45,000 other Pathfinders. If keeping up with a bunch of 10 year olds in that crowd wasn’t enough, I discovered that Pastor Fanueli was also in attendance with 10 Pathfinders from Tonga. After walking through thousands of club’s campsites twice, the third time proved to be a charm. We had a wonderful conversation which ended with a prayer requesting travel blessings as well as guidance in planning this mission.

I was informed that there are a few Pathfinder clubs on Vava’u, but that there may be need to help establish more. It sounds like the primary goal is to have me help at the school though, which I already knew was short a few staff. Pastor Fanueli told me that ideally I would move to the main Tongan island of Tongatapu, which is where the main mission school, Bula College is located, as this is where they have a computer lab for me to teach computer courses. I’m still torn though, as my initial calling seemed to be to the northern islands of Vava’u. I’ll remain open to going wherever the Lord directs me though, which means I am yet unsure where I will be living.

As far as living is concerned, I was informed that in Vava’u there is a 2 bedroom house available to me, which I would not have to pay rent for. I was also informed that the ladies of the church would bring food regularly to help support us since we will not be drawing a local income. This would mean a considerably lower monthly cost to reside. I would have to cover electric, water, gas, insurance, and other bills; but with no rent and a good portion of the food bill covered it’s sounding more affordable. I still figure the trip will cost $10,000+ for the year, but this is considerably less than I first expected.

I continue to pray daily for guidance, and for the strength to fulfill the tasks given me. I know this is not a task to be taken lightly. I also know that traveling to the other side of the world with only half my family will be difficult. I also know, though, that if I am doing the will of our Lord, He will provide. He will protect us and comfort us. We will be rewarded by the warm smiles of the people we are able to reach for Him, as well as the satisfaction that we were able to do something, to make a difference.

On that note, I would like to introduce another theme song. Sure, I can have more than one theme song. After all, I’m the crazy guy who wants to drop everything and move to a remote island in the South Pacific, right? Just as Josh Wilson’s “I Refuse” touched my heart, so has this song.

"Matthew West – Do Something"

I woke up this morning
Saw a world full of trouble now
Thought, how’d we ever get so far down
How’s it ever gonna turn around
So I turned my eyes to Heaven
I thought, “God, why don’t You do something?”
Well, I just couldn’t bear the thought of
People living in poverty
Children sold into slavery
The thought disgusted me
So, I shook my fist at Heaven
Said, “God, why don’t You do something?”
He said, “I did, I created you”

If not us, then who
If not me and you
Right now, it’s time for us to do something
If not now, then when
Will we see an end
To all this pain
It’s not enough to do nothing
It’s time for us to do something

I’m so tired of talking
About how we are God’s hands and feet
But it’s easier to say than to be
Live like angels of apathy who tell ourselves
It’s alright, “somebody else will do something”
Well, I don’t know about you
But I’m sick and tired of life with no desire
I don’t want a flame, I want a fire
I wanna be the one who stands up and says,
“I’m gonna do something”

If not us, then who
If not me and you
Right now, it’s time for us to do something
If not now, then when
Will we see an end
To all this pain
It’s not enough to do nothing
It’s time for us to do something

We are the salt of the earth
We are a city on a hill (shine shine, shine shine)
But we’re never gonna change the world
By standing still
No we won’t stand still
No we won’t stand still
No we won’t stand still

If not us, then who
If not me and you
Right now, it’s time for us to do something
If not now, then when
Will we see an end
To all this pain
It’s not enough to do nothing
It’s time for us to do something [x3]

I Refuse

A few weeks ago I was exploring Google Earth with my son. We were exploring the path of the voyage of Kon-Tiki, a raft of scientists who left from Peru, trying to prove inhabitants of South America travelled to Polynesia on a raft. During this exploration, I became fascinated about the shapes and designs of the isolated islands in the Pacific. I stumbled on a cluster of islands called the Kingdom of Tonga. As clicking on the images available I became more and more fascinated about this region, its untouched beauty, and also the hardship that the citizens endure every day. I learned that Ha’apai Island group was devastated by Cyclone Ian this last January. I learned that although surrounded by oceans of water, these island's inhabitants often live in a drought condition because they have no access to fresh water other than rain catchment. I learned that many Tongans rely on moneys sent from family members abroad because they cannot afford to pay their bills. I learned that the Seventh Day Adventist school in Neiafu, of the Vava’u group of islands of northern Tonga is short a few teachers because of a shortage of salary funds.

All of this learning put me to thinking, and I have not been able to quit thinking since that day. I can’t get it out of my mind that I sit here in America thinking I’m poor when our household brings in over 5 times the average Tongan household. It gives you an appreciation for the things you have, no matter how great or small.

Also during my exploration, I discovered an American man who took his family to Tonga. This family gave up the comforts of home because of a calling to do God’s work. He had a dream of building a skate park and recreation center on each main islands, giving young people a safe place to play and learn. His dream is to witness through this skill that he has, and he has already begun to do so. They home-school their three children. Here is a link to his wife’s blog, so you too can watch as their adventure unfolds. The Adventures of Tonga Man

This family’s story got me to thinking again. Surely there is something I could do too. As a teenager I went on a mission trip to Belize to build a church with other Texas youth. Since then I’ve always had a burning desire to return to the mission field. A few years back I took a job teaching English in one of the SDA schools in S Korea. 90% of all the students were not Christian, but Buddhist, so although we were paid, we were considered missionaries by many. This was not enough though. In my mind, to be a REAL missionary, one must not seek compensation for spreading God’s message. The S Koreans had enough money to pay for the teachers, but that was just not what I had in mind.

Because of my preconception of what a missionary should be, I decided that perhaps I could offer my services in Neiafu to the Mizpah Mission School. I also had in mind that I could assist with their local Pathfinders Club, or help to establish one. Also because of my ACS Disaster Response training, perhaps I could be of assistance in disaster response and preparedness.

So I set the ball rolling. I’ve spoken with the Mizpah principal, who is exploring how to obtain accommodations for me. Since I will be working for free while my wife and kids are still home in Texas, I will not have a lot of my own money to live off of. This is where the conversation ended. The principal said that while they are excited that I have an interest in their school, even financing accommodations might be difficult. So I’m thinking I will need to find assistance elsewhere. The school is hoping that if I can come, I could bring my son with me. If their school is compatible with his needs, he would attend school where I taught. Otherwise he would be home-schooling independently, with my help in the evenings. I think this would be a tremendous opportunity for him. He is a young man now, and his life would be greatly enhanced by exposure to missionary work as well as exploration of other regions of our vast planet. This would also keep me closer to my family, although it would now also be separating both of us from Carolyn and Alex.

As far as Pathfinders and ACS/ADRA are concerned, messages have been sent to both. I have had no response from ADRA as of yet, but must be patient as we are dealing with two different time zones. I contacted the Director of Youth Ministry for the Trans Pacific Union, who has forwarded my message to the Youth Director for the Tonga Mission. I pray that my services will be found of value to these two organizations as well.

What I’m needing now from my friends and family is your prayers. Prayer that I will be everything the Lord expects me to be when in His service. Prayer that if this plan is carried out, that our family remains strong in absence from each other. Prayer that everything we do has a positive impact on this region. Prayer for safe travels, and protection from the natural disasters that this region is prone to. Prayer that if this is in fact the Lords will, that funding would be made available to afford airfare of about $3,000-$4,000 (one round trip for both my son and myself) and about $500 per month for living expenses. Please pray daily with me that these needs can be met, and that if it’s His will, that he will use me in this region that needs help so tremendously.

That makes roughly $9,000-$10,000 that I have no idea where to find. I trust that our great Lord has a plan, and will make this happen in His time. I have create a donation button for anyone who is willing to make a monthly pledge or even a one-time donation of money or supplies. Unless requested otherwise by the one making the contribution, any funds raised beyond the necessary expenses for this trip will be used to buy items for the school, buy equipment for the local Pathfinders club, and buy equipment and supplies for disaster response. I also have a large collection of books and vintage vinyl records that I will be selling both locally and online in attempt to cover these expenses. Tony's Vintage Vinyl

I will try to keep everyone informed as to how this pans out. If budget and time allows, I may also be preparing a pod of supplies for shipment, containing first aid supplies, used clothing, building tools, generators, water purification systems and other essentials for disaster response. I may also try to put together some books and supplies for the school, and for Pathfinders.

This song has certainly played a part in my inspiration. While listening to it today on my favorite radio station, 94.9 - KLTY, I realized that it pretty much sums up my thoughts right now.

"Josh Wilson - I Refuse"

Sometimes I, I just wanna close my eyes
And act like everyone's alright
well no they're not
This world needs God, but it's easier to stand and watch
I could say a prayer and just move on
like nothin's wrong
But I refuse
cause I don't wanna live like I don't care
I don't wanna say another empty prayer
Oh I refuse, to sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh I could choose not to move
but I refuse
I can hear the least of these
cryin' out so desperately
and I know we are the hands and feet of You oh God
So if You say move
it's time for me to follow through
and do what I was made to do
and show them who You are
Cause I don't wanna live like I don't care
I don't wanna say another empty prayer
Oh I refuse to sit around
and wait for someone else
to do what God has called me to do myself
Oh I could choose
not to move
but I refuse
to stand and watch the weary and lost
cry out for help
I refuse
to turn my back
and try and act like all is well
I refuse
to stay unchanged
to wait another day
to die to myself
I refuse
to make one more excuse
cause I don't wanna live like I don't care
I don't wanna say another empty prayer
Oh I refuse
to sit around and wait for someone else
to do what God has called me to do myself
oh I could choose
not to move
but I refuse
I refuse
I refuse
yeah