I Will Follow

Today I'm sitting in my room in the Mizpah hall transit while it is intermittently raining outside. I made it out on my bicycle to browse the flea market this morning but found nothing of particular interest, so I bought a few necessities (bread, peanut butter & strawberry jam) and returned home. Not long after I arrived home it began to rain again. It had also rained before I left the house this morning, but luckily there was break enough to ride my bike to town.

What does a palangi do when he's separated from his family and sitting at home waiting for the rain to pass? Well I can't answer for everyone, but for myself I've been doing a lot of thinking. I spoke with my wife Carolyn last night on skype for the first time since I left home, which has been a month and a half. But that wasn't enough. I was late for the call last night, so she went to bed. I waited up for her knowing that she would soon be getting up to get ready for bed. During that time, the 90 minutes or so that I waited for her to log on again, I came to a realization that I am dropping the ball on my end. It was I who left home for this adventure, so it must be I who assures that no meeting times are missed. Time with family is precious, especially when you are away, so I can't afford to pass any opportunity by.

So I have been in Tonga for roughly 90 days now, alone. I always took for granted that I'm a big boy, and there's nothing I can't do for myself. Well, I was wrong. I can't easily comfort myself when I'm lonely. Last year my son Tony was with me every day, so although I was separated from my wife and daughter, my son was always there. Now, there is nobody. I have friends, sure. But they can't fill the void that was caused by my ripping myself from my family to return to Tonga.

Now don't get me wrong. I do not for an instant regret coming to Tonga. I will gladly go anywhere and do anything for my Savior. Where he leads, I will follow. What I am trying to say is, this is the last time I will do things this way. I will not go alone any more. Next time I am called to travel to serve, we will go together. Until now there has always been an "escape clause", so to say. Even though they are planning to join me in about three months, Carolyn still holds her job at home, we still own our house and most of the belongings within, and we are even repairing a car that just MIGHT be worth what we spend on it for repairs. We seem to be holding on to the things we have, just in case this does not work out. Something inside me is telling me that "this is not true faith."

Now before anyone goes jumping to conclusions, no Carolyn and the kids are not regretting this soon-coming move. At least I don't think they are. I'm not trying to say that they don't want to come, or would rather stay at home. In fact, it sounds like Tony is quite jealous that I came without him this time. I think Alex, although dreading leaving her friends behind, is anxious for the new adventure too, and is ready to meet new friends. And Carolyn, while she is always the more responsible person, always thinking logically about how this is going to get paid, or what happens next, is more than ready to jump on the band wagon with me too. I think we are just inexperienced at this. We are not sure what we need and don't need. We don't know what happens when we are finished in Tonga. We don't know what we will do when this adventure is over. I have come to a new conclusion about this matter though. Once truly begun... I mean once you REALLY dedicate your heart and life to the Lord, He will NEVER be finished with you. If and when our time in Tonga is complete, it will be because there is a new destination. God wants to use us, ALL OF US. There is absolutely nobody in this world that, if he is willing, does not have a job in God's work line. If you are good at building, build for the Lord. If you are good at teaching, teach for the Lord. If you are good at driving, drive for the Lord. If you are good at cooking, cook for the Lord. If you are good at singing, sing for the Lord. If you are good at speaking, speak for the Lord. If you are only good at sitting..... Yes, that's right! If you are only good at sitting, well then... sit for the Lord. Perhaps while sitting there, something else more productive will come to mind. Perhaps your calling is to sit at the street corner handing out fliers for your pastor, advertising your church's next seminar. We just need to come to a point in our lives where we can say,

"Everything that I have is from You, Lord, so now I dedicate everything I have in life to serving You. Take me where I can best share your love. Take me to where I am most needed. Open the doors, and clear the obstacles. Let no man stand in the way of my mission being fulfilled. I know that no matter where I go, and no matter what I do, as long as Your words are in my heart, You are with me. You will shelter me, and comfort me. You will provide for me. Take me as I am, Lord, and do with me as You wish. Make my life a beacon in the night, showing the way to You..."

This is my daily prayer, and like it or not, I include my friends and family in this prayer as well. If we all were to realize our calling, this could only bring us closer to that blessed day when the Lord comes again. I can hardly wait to see my family again in 3 months. I am beside myself, ALMOST without words about how I feel. But even more exciting is the thought that perhaps, just perhaps I am filling a role in God's work.

"...Take me Lord. Mold me, make me, form me, shape me. Take my life and make me all that you want me to be. Not only that, but help all those around me, both friends and family, to realize their place in this master plan so that we may some day soon be with You in Paradise. Amen!"

I Will Follow

Chris Tomlin

Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow...

All your ways are good
All your ways are sure
I will trust in you alone
Higher than my sight
High above my life
I will trust in you alone (trust in you alone)

Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow you
Who you love, I'll love
How you serve I'll serve
If this life I lose, I will follow you, yeah
I will follow you, yeah

Light unto the world
Light unto my life
I will live for you alone
You're the one I seek
Knowing I will find
All I need in you alone, in you alone

Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow you
Who you love, I'll love
How you serve, I'll serve
If this life I lose, I will follow you
I will follow you, yeah

In you there's life everlasting
In you there's freedom for my soul
In you there's joy, unending joy
And I will follow

Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow
Who you love, I'll love
How you serve, I'll serve
If this life I lose, I will follow

Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow you
Who you love, I'll love
How you serve, I'll serve
If this life I lose, I will follow you, yeah
I will follow you, yeah
I will follow you, yeah
I will follow you, yeah